Door Mat

I just created a playlist for my profiles, and one of the songs "Porcelain" by Better Than Ezra sucked me back down to memory lane ala high school drama style. For some reason it brings me back to the circle of friends, whom most I'm still in contact with. One in particular, Mike, I found to wondering about lately. My BF Vanessa told me that his mom had recently passed away from Lupus. That's really the most horrible thing to me, losing a parent, I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

That being said, Mike screwed us over in high school, big time. He was like a fre-enemy, other wise known as someone who poses as your best friend, but is really your enemy. He started hanging out with our circle through his cousin Rob, whom was one of my BF growing up, and whom I rarely get to see, but we're still close.

Mike took it upon himself to screw with my super close BFF Nikki, get with me, and two of our other friends, all while lying to our faces about the whole situtation. He started dating Vanessa our sophmore year, and that's when the shit hit the fan. Vanessa and I had been BFF since we were 3 years old, we had some rough patched, but our bond hadn't been broken till then.

He started to play Vanessa & I against eachother, like it was a game. Then day Vanessa cut me off my world had shattered, she was like a sister to me , and I had never felt pain like that in my life. Mean while Mike would converse with me, console and claim that he was going to try and talk to Vanessa for me, mean while start encouraging her to spread that I was a whore, even though I had a high school sweetheart (and by sweet heart I mean an abusive piece of shit, but I digress)...

He converged with 3 other people to egg my house on halloween, and I would have never found out except one of the people involved ended up telling me in English class 3 months later because he felt bad.

I hear that he's a coke head and leading a shitty life in Framingham, people that I still talk to in that circle of friends don't really talk to him or about him, but for some reason I actually wondered what ever happened to him. Maybe it's because I have this urge to confront him and ask him exactly what the fuck his malfunction was, or if that's all trivial bull shit.

Are we basically the same people in high school, except with a bigger bullshit filter. Or do people actually have the ability to evolve into decent human beings from the knuckle dragging bullshit artists we were in highschool? I like to think that I'm basically the same person as I was in the Lilith Fair T Shirt wearing days, except minus some emotional roller coaster esq behavior (birth control + me = raving lunatic).

I have a feeling I may be running into him this summer, I haven't seen or heard from him since we graduated high school, and I'm not sure what'll go down, but I'm afraid of opening myself up to the doormat I was in high school. I've gotta work on that passive aggressiveness .....