Today I experimented with a smoker box, flavor chips and a grill wok. And not to toot my own horn but *toot**toot* ! I used perdue boneless & skinless chicken breasts and poured on the Jamaican Jerk seasoning and also applied the seasoning to the veggies. I used zucchini and yellow squash as well as green beans in the wok :) Stay tuned for tuesday as I attempt shrimp ca bobs.
I just created a playlist for my profiles, and one of the songs "Porcelain" by Better Than Ezra sucked me back down to memory lane ala high school drama style. For some reason it brings me back to the circle of friends, whom most I'm still in contact with. One in particular, Mike, I found to wondering about lately. My BF Vanessa told me that his mom had recently passed away from Lupus. That's really the most horrible thing to me, losing a parent, I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.
That being said, Mike screwed us over in high school, big time. He was like a fre-enemy, other wise known as someone who poses as your best friend, but is really your enemy. He started hanging out with our circle through his cousin Rob, whom was one of my BF growing up, and whom I rarely get to see, but we're still close.
Mike took it upon himself to screw with my super close BFF Nikki, get with me, and two of our other friends, all while lying to our faces about the whole situtation. He started dating Vanessa our sophmore year, and that's when the shit hit the fan. Vanessa and I had been BFF since we were 3 years old, we had some rough patched, but our bond hadn't been broken till then.
He started to play Vanessa & I against eachother, like it was a game. Then day Vanessa cut me off my world had shattered, she was like a sister to me , and I had never felt pain like that in my life. Mean while Mike would converse with me, console and claim that he was going to try and talk to Vanessa for me, mean while start encouraging her to spread that I was a whore, even though I had a high school sweetheart (and by sweet heart I mean an abusive piece of shit, but I digress)...
He converged with 3 other people to egg my house on halloween, and I would have never found out except one of the people involved ended up telling me in English class 3 months later because he felt bad.
I hear that he's a coke head and leading a shitty life in Framingham, people that I still talk to in that circle of friends don't really talk to him or about him, but for some reason I actually wondered what ever happened to him. Maybe it's because I have this urge to confront him and ask him exactly what the fuck his malfunction was, or if that's all trivial bull shit.
Are we basically the same people in high school, except with a bigger bullshit filter. Or do people actually have the ability to evolve into decent human beings from the knuckle dragging bullshit artists we were in highschool? I like to think that I'm basically the same person as I was in the Lilith Fair T Shirt wearing days, except minus some emotional roller coaster esq behavior (birth control + me = raving lunatic).
I have a feeling I may be running into him this summer, I haven't seen or heard from him since we graduated high school, and I'm not sure what'll go down, but I'm afraid of opening myself up to the doormat I was in high school. I've gotta work on that passive aggressiveness .....
So in my efforts to possibly having another baby I have ceased all perscription meds, including my Adderrall *ohhh shiney things* And after being off of it for 3 days it occurred to me..... I don't think I really needed to be on that shit. And I do mean Shit. I haven't felt this good, since I don't even remember when. I'm actually happy, not a snippy bitch and not dragging ass constantly. I hated the was I was before, always wicked cranky, short tempered, and constantly exhausted. Adderall did nothing for my ADHD once my body got use to the meds. And I was already on 30 mg. My attention span is down the toilet now but I feel so much better now, and feel like I can be a much better person to be around. Plus my job does not require me to have that large of an attention span, actually I'm pretty sure one of the requirements is to have ADD.
Plus, I'm pretty sure being on an amphetamine based drug for a prolonged amount of time is not good for you. The other day I thought I was having a heart attack, I have MVP (mitral valve prolapse), which is a pretty common thing, but I was pretty sure I was gonna die the other day.
It also works out great that I won't have to waste my time or money on co pays & perscriptions on a medication I won't need :) It's pretty amazing to me how Dr's really don't have a clue about what they're doing, but as long as they're collecting their co pay they don't give a crap .....
So Michael and I are in discussions about possibly having another baby sooner than later, and I'm finding myself feeling a touch bipolar with the extreme highs and desperate lows.
My brother and I are almsot 5 years apart, and my parents would've considered a 3rd child except my mother almost died having my brother and had to have a hysterectomy. The age difference I believe affected how strong our bond was growing up. That's a pretty significant age gap in my opinion, because we were never in school together, and by the time he was in the stage where he was big enough to play, I wanted nothing to do with him because I was in 2nd grade and he was still in diapers. We have a great relationship now, but that took 15 years of beating the crap out of each other and plotting against one another.
I always wished I had a sibling to relate to going through school like some of my friends. Michael grew up with 3 siblings all 3 years apart, and all but 1 (the douche) are close with one another.
I wanted to be able to give that to Michael Jr. I can totally understand where Michael is coming from on wanting to have our own space, because obviously that's the optimal situation. But when I got pregnant with MJ we were living at my parents house, and we ended up getting our own place out of necessity , but we made it work. And the whole not having enough money issue, we're never ever going to have enough money, that's just the way life is.
As far as the lack of space issue, our apartment is downstairs, but we have free range on the whole house. My grandfather straight out told us he never wants us to leave, and I know that it would make him so happy to have a newborn in the house, he missed a lot of MJ being small because we lived in the city.
If we did have another baby, by the time we would truly out grow our space we would already be on our way to our own place. In the event *god forbid* something happened to my grandfather, my parents constantly remind us they would never let us be homeless.
At the same time, Michael got a rejection letter from Barnstable Fire Dept, which was my little glimmer of hope of our own place. That's the 2nd Fire Dept rejection, but last time he was just a basic EMT, he had a suit interview & everything. On the other hand, we're both in great jobs that are not exactly expendable, as Jen said, it's not like I work at Papa Gino's and he's mowing lawns every 3rd weekend.
I'd also have to find a OBGYN and hospital willing to do a VBAC, and my Dr doesn't deliver babies, which sucks because he's the man. So I'm going to stew on the subject, and decide if I'm going to make a trip to Abisla's or not .... We'll see
:*( Sadly I had to cease & desist my vegan adventures, because as vigilant as I was I was unable to maintain a healthy weight and circled the 100 lb mark and the sprial kept going in the downward fashion, so in an effort to not look like Karen Carpenter, I had to start eating normally again. I'm OCD in that if you're going to do something (i.e. become a vegetarian/vegan) you should do it all the way, and the whole "Octo-Lacto" vegatarian diet still participates in the factory farming business, which was the whole reason I started this venture. However I did gain a whole new perspective on being aware of, and responsible for your dining choices. I feel a little better purchasing local farm products, rather than the mass produced foods. I'm sad that I do still very much believe in the whole anti factory farm issue, and that I cannot fufill my part in not supporting that industry :*(
