Deciding Between Waging Battle or Throwing Up The White Flag

I'm going to try and be as discreet as possible, as there is a chance some male readers might dry heave, so I'll try and be considerate of you male folks. As some of you are aware I've been waging battle against my uterus, aka my "incubator", it's been an ongoing battle since I was diagnosed with Endometriosis at 17. Since I had baby princess last year its been considerably worse, and in the last three months it went from misery to hell on earth. I am at the point were I am physically and mentally drained, on top of all the other wonderful symptoms of naseua, migraines, weepiness, agonizing abdominal pain, blood clots (sorry), loss of appetite, weight loss, and oh yeah I've been bleeding since May 24th. AWESOME.


I've gone through pretty much every birth control ever created when I was in high school, and they made me fat and crazy. I was on depo shot for two years, which was awesome, but apparently not good for my bones. Then I was on the patch, which almost killed me when it sent me into an unresponsive hypotensive crisis , apparently having a blood pressure of 73/40 is not condusive to being alert and oriented. I tried mirena, the IUD that has low dose hormones, it worked for about a year and then I started bleeding all the time. That came out and baby princess came along. After her I opted for the copper IUD (paragaurd), which was fine, it didn't help my endometriosis symptoms, but it was effective birth control. Then my uterus decided it was going to bring on an epic battle and make me leak like a god damned BP oil well..... sorry ....


My dr from Plymouth Shore OB (they are awesome BTW) has be scheduled for an ultrasound tomorrow, I already went for bloodwork, then the end of next month I have a biopsy scheduled the same day of my IUD removal. After the results from the biopsy come back (to determine if there's a pathalogical reason for my misery), she's going to to a laperoscopy & D&C on the same day. I could have a hysterectomy if I wanted to, seeing that I've had two children, and with my history of problems, I would be an acceptable canidate.Great. It's like jury duty to me, you really don't want to do it, but you know you're going to have to eventually. Except there's no bench warrant involved if I don't show up.... but I digress ..... The only time I'm not in misery is when I'm pregnant, I LOVE being pregnant, bc I'm a sick freak like that, and with baby princess being a VBAC I could totally do it again.


Husband and I had discussed it last week, and had come to the conclusion that we have two very healthy babies, one of each, and that we are lucky to have the family we have, so why push our luck. Plus we are in no position to try and have another one anytime soon, it would be one thing if we had our own house, etc, but that just isn't going to happen for a long time. So I had accepted it as fact, and skip all the jumping through hoops to save a uterus I was just going to get rid of. So I thought.





The more I thought about it, the more I cried. It sounds incredibly ridiculous, but I would feel less like a woman. And this may sound completely vain and ridiculous, but in conjunction with the fact that I have no boobs what so ever, if I had my uterus aka "baby incubator" taken out, I could no longer become pregnant, the most feminine state you could be in. If I didn't have that what would I have, it's like taking away part of your identity. All the women in my family have had a hysterectomy, bc apparently we all have defective parts, so I know its probably only a matter of time. I just don't know if that time has to be right now.


It's just too permanent for me, I don't know if I can say good bye to this

Dad's Don't Come With Instructions

Growing up I always adored my father, I wanted to grow up and be super smart just like him. I had an equal amount of fear & respect to the point where if I was being a smart ass all he would have to do was give me "the look" over the glasses and raise his eyebrows, and I would run hysterically into my room and hide until the coast was clear,or until my dad went to work, which ever came first. I don't remember my father, or either of my parents for that matter, being particularly affectionate or squishy, I don't remember them going out of their way to tell me that they loved me, even though I know they did. My dad didn't treat me like a princess, or give into my every whim, I remember everytime I told him something hurt he would reply "then don't do that". Whenever I had some minor childhood injury and would run crying to him, I was told to "walk it off" and when I asked how long was it going to hurt for, "two weeks". Now that I think back, everything was two weeks, regardless if it was a tooth ache or a skinned knee, two weeks.


Could my father have been a little more affectionate, probably, would I have liked to hear 'I Love You' more, yeah. I do remember 'the old man' always read to me and tucked me in, everynight. He would play monopoly with me once a week, and while he didn't let me cheat, he wouldn't buy certain properties, even though I knew he should. He always kept his word, he always showed up, and he always looked out for what was in my best interests, even if I didn't think so at the time. He saved my life, literally. I was born with a cogenital heart defect that would throw me into cardiac & respiratory arrest at the drop of a dime, the ER Doc had given up when I was a few months old, and as a practicing paramedic my dad took the IV kit himself and started the line, he saved my life.





My father may not have done somethings the way I had hoped, and there may have been more yelling growing up than I cared for, but he shaped me into the person I am today. He is amazing with my children, and melts for them, gives into everyone of their requests, and fawns over every single one of their boo-boo's. He fills them full of cookies and candies, re built the chicken coop because he thought MJ would like some baby chicks, and then made mention of emptying out one of the stalls to make room for a pony. Hey, as long as it stays at their place, what do I care.


The stern man that I had grown up with, and feared (most of my friends still do), has melted away to a loving grandfather, and turned into someone I can ask life's questions too. I hope that I can be atleast half as amazing not only as a parent, but as a person, as my father is. I am thankful everyday that I have him, and so are my children.

Not To Be A Negative Nelly ... Is It Just Me?

Maybe I'm just being a "negative nelly" and missing the big picture here, but I've come to the conclusion I really have little use for the Mashpee Commons, outside of a few exceptions, it just doesn't really seem to be pocketbook friendly to the year round residents here. Growing up on cape I had always frequented the shops there and spent time with my friends going through the shops, but it feels to me that the Mashpee Commons has started to cater to its seasonal, far more wealthy clientele, en lieu of appealing to its blue collar residents.





Honestly, Gustare Oils & Vinegars, a wine & oil bar, while it certainly is a novelty, is it really something that we could benefit from in the long run? Or the Troll Beads store,where you can make your own jewlery, while the product certainly is beautiful, I can't afford to be spending $30-$100 on ONE BEAD. Seriously folks, with Ann Taylor and Banana Republic gone, I really don't have any reason to go to the commons, with the exception of getting a coffee,a cupcake or painting pottery, what is there for the average Cape Cod family to do there? All these high end shops are nice to look at and all, but how does it benefit the community in which it is located?? Because I know , atleast for myself, I am not going to be spending $78 on a baby sweater .... Just sayin' .... I'm not sure what the goal of the Mashpee Commons is, but it doesn't appear to be one involving the benefit of its community.

Providence Children's Museum

Against my better judgement I decided to bring my two little ones to the Providence Children's Museum on what was supposed to be a miserable rainy saturday, in the middle of the afternoon. Suprisingly the museum wasn't that bad at all, mind you I've worked at the local children's museum and have expirienced rainy summer saturdays ... the kind of busy where you'll need a helmet, mouth gaurd and a steady supply of excenderin migraine on hand.


Admission was $8.50 per person (babies under 1 year are free and of course Mya's birthday was 3 days before the visit), and in my opinion if you spend your entire day there and enjoy the 2 floors of exhibits and activities its worth the trip. Parking in their lot is free, but if its full you'll have to resort to the meters on the side streets. They allow you to bring in snacks and such (which is always a bonus with little ones, I know thats one of the thing that's kind of annoying about the local one), however they do not have any cafes or food service like the one in Boston, but there are several options around the block.





The first floor has the "Water Works" which was my kids favorite area to play it, and it has two giant water "tables" that kids can experiment with the cause and effect of whirlpools, build drainage systems and participate in other experiments. There's also Power Play which encourages kids in 'free play' which includes air tubes, musical pipes,funhouse mirrors, giant lite brite and other super cool exhibits.





The 2nd floor houses a construction play zone with a workable crane for kids to operate, the "Coming to Rhode Island" exhibit tells the story of the immigrants who helped build the state, this exhibit has a ship that kids can 'steer' raise and lower the flag, and go between the upper and lower decks. There is also a really cool multi cultural grocery market that has a diner inside. 'Little Woods' was a great place for princess, I felt bad that she was stuck in her carriage for fear of her being stomped on, this area is gated off, and is made specifically for kids five and under, so she got to climb around and do her own thing.


The Children's Garden is opening this friday June 11th, and features an outdoor climber, similar to the one in the entrance at the Boston Children's Museum, and 'Underland' and outdoor exhibit that features creatures burrows and tunnels.





In my opinion it's 1,000 times better than the local one, besides the fact that its bigger, in my opinion its much cleaner, offers more things for kids to do and is more parent friendly. It's a little pricey and far away for me to consider purchasing a membership ($125 for 4 people plus the 1 1/2 hour drive), however if you purchase a Association of Children's Museums Membership it provides free admission to a minimum of 4 family members of the same house hold to 165 reciprocal museums including: The Cape Cod Children's Museum, Boston Children's Museum, Children's Museum in Easton, The Discovery Museums in Acton, and The Providence Children's Museum. That to me is a fantastic deal, as soon as I can scrape together a spare $125. Website: http://www.childrensmuseums.org/visit/reciprocal.htm#MA