Between A Rock & A Hard Place

So Michael and I are in discussions about possibly having another baby sooner than later, and I'm finding myself feeling a touch bipolar with the extreme highs and desperate lows.

My brother and I are almsot 5 years apart, and my parents would've considered a 3rd child except my mother almost died having my brother and had to have a hysterectomy. The age difference I believe affected how strong our bond was growing up. That's a pretty significant age gap in my opinion, because we were never in school together, and by the time he was in the stage where he was big enough to play, I wanted nothing to do with him because I was in 2nd grade and he was still in diapers. We have a great relationship now, but that took 15 years of beating the crap out of each other and plotting against one another.

I always wished I had a sibling to relate to going through school like some of my friends. Michael grew up with 3 siblings all 3 years apart, and all but 1 (the douche) are close with one another.

I wanted to be able to give that to Michael Jr. I can totally understand where Michael is coming from on wanting to have our own space, because obviously that's the optimal situation. But when I got pregnant with MJ we were living at my parents house, and we ended up getting our own place out of necessity , but we made it work. And the whole not having enough money issue, we're never ever going to have enough money, that's just the way life is.

As far as the lack of space issue, our apartment is downstairs, but we have free range on the whole house. My grandfather straight out told us he never wants us to leave, and I know that it would make him so happy to have a newborn in the house, he missed a lot of MJ being small because we lived in the city.

If we did have another baby, by the time we would truly out grow our space we would already be on our way to our own place. In the event *god forbid* something happened to my grandfather, my parents constantly remind us they would never let us be homeless.

At the same time, Michael got a rejection letter from Barnstable Fire Dept, which was my little glimmer of hope of our own place. That's the 2nd Fire Dept rejection, but last time he was just a basic EMT, he had a suit interview & everything. On the other hand, we're both in great jobs that are not exactly expendable, as Jen said, it's not like I work at Papa Gino's and he's mowing lawns every 3rd weekend.

I'd also have to find a OBGYN and hospital willing to do a VBAC, and my Dr doesn't deliver babies, which sucks because he's the man. So I'm going to stew on the subject, and decide if I'm going to make a trip to Abisla's or not .... We'll see