Am I An Imposter?

Today was my first attempt to get back in church on sunday mornings, my old work schedule was not condusive to my church going efforts. Now my more church friendly sunday schedule has afforded me the opportunity to get back into the swing of things. So I had hoped. I think that I probably was setting myself up for disaster bringing both kids with me, by myself, since husband won't get home from work in time to attend. So after emailing my pastor back and forth after she had checked in with me over a week ago, I had looked forward to seeing her. So as the children and I took our seat I looked around and craned my neck to see Pastor Nicole, but I hadn't seen or heard her. Then service began, and there was a Pastoral Intern, apparently Pastor Nicole had accompanied her husband ,who is also a pastor, to Nantucket where he was a guest speaker. Between Pastor Nicole's absence and my wild beasts poor behavior I felt completely deflated. The Pastoral Intern did nothing to invoke my religious spirit, she did the complete opposite. I could barely hear her and I was in the third row from the front. Her gestures were without conviction , or atleast not what I had become accustomed to with Pastor Nicole. We had recieved a letter in the mail from her about a month or so ago, letting us know that she would be stepping down at the end of September to move across country with her husband, as he was afforded the opportunity to be a minister out in California, where she was originally from.


While I wish nothing but the best for Pastor Nicole and her husband, I feel like I've somehow disconnected myself from the church I had just joined. I know it's not supposed to be about the Pastor , but about the church and the community, but I just feel like that Pastor Nicole really was the spark that had made me want to be part of the church in the first place. I feel that with her leadership and encouragement I have grown not only in the spiritual aspect, but the emotional aspect as well. I spoke with her about family conflicts and worked through them as a result, something that I don't think I would be able to accomplish with out her encouragement.






I kind of had a feeling that change was in the air when husband and I, along with a few other folks, attended a church meeting to welcome new members. Someone had posed the question of the event that she were to leave, and her response was that we should feel compelled to join the church regardless of who the pastor is. I know that I should enjoy the time we have left with Pastor Nicole, and be grateful for all that she has done, and we are. I guess after the church service disaster this morning, I felt like an imposter bc I really had no interest in the service or want to be there, I guess I felt let down. I don't know who will be taking over as Pastor, there is no replacing Pastor Nicole, but hopefully there will be someone who can carry on the duties with the same passion as she.