Gratuitous Bitching

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING CONTAINS GRATUITOUS BITCHING ABOUT SH*T YOU PROBABLY DON'T CARE ABOUT:


I'd like to know who in the retail universe made the executive decision to shove the maternity "section" in the furthest corner of the store, and by "section" I mean the back wall of the plus sized section hidden by sharp pointy clothing stands that is almost impossible to squeeze your non exisistant waistline through. WTF. Seriously people, it's depressing enough that I have to wear these atrocious polyester nightmares, but is it really necessary to position them in a way that requires me to waddle all the way to the back of the store only to jam my fat a$$ between the sharp pointy clothing racks and the emergency exit? It seems to be a requirement of all department stores to organize the maternity "department" like this, unless the store is actually a maternity wear store, bc 99% of all retail stores I have waddled through to look for clothing only contains a wall, hidden, and almost unattainable. If it's completely necessary to do this, they should atleast offer me a tram, or valet parking, since a lot of the stores don't have mother/infant preferred parking.




While I'm on my "let's bitch about being pregnant" rant, I'm going to address the maternity fashion (or there lack of) issue. Unless your budget allows for $150 designer jeans with matching $80 shirt, you have a choice of the following trends:


Elderly Floridian



Circus Tent



Ugly Baby Doll



If the maternity designers goal was to create the most hideous, unflattering apparel using the cheapest looking material, they have succeeded. I have a hell of a time with the pants bc I'm not only pregnant in my belly, but also my thighs, ba-donk, and arms. Oh yes the puffiness has settled in a way that makes getting dressed a depressing tearful event. Regardless of what size I buy, the elastic slips off my belly, dragging my under roos with it, and causes the crotch part of the pants to sag to the middle of my thighs. Really attractive. I'm doing the "Urkel" dance hourly as not to moon any unsuspecting bystanders.

Ignorance Breeds Ignorance

I have a delayed blog from when we brought little man to the pediatrician's for his 3 year check up/week long snot fest. The visit itself was pretty uneventful with the exception of this little tid bit:


Apparently while I was down the hall bringing little man to the bathroom, Michael had the pleasure of watching parenting at it's finest. A 16 year old "young lady" had come back out to the waiting room to join her boyfriend and friend (on a school day mind you) to inform them she had just been "busted" on her drug test for weed, percocets, etc, and how the "bitch" was getting on her case for losing 30 pounds in a month. She concluded her expletive fueled rant with "I'll just put it back on with a few beers". This was in the middle of a PEDIATRICIAN'S office. A fight almost broke out when a parent asked her to keep her personal life to her self, the girl did not appreciate the suggestion and told the parent that it was "non of her fucking buisness and they could settle this outside like real women".


When I cracked open the door to inform husband that the DR was ready to see little man, he looked relieved. I caught the very end of the disturbance, and asked where that girls parents where. Husband's reply "Ignorance breeds ignorance".

Shrimp Mozambique

INGREDIENTS:


1-lb of peeled shrimp
1-stick of butter
4-tbsp.crushed garlic
1/2 -cup white wine
2- pkgs of Sazon goya seasoning
2- tbls chopped parsley
1tbsp -wet crushed red pepper(comes in a jar at the international section)


DIRECTIONS:


Fry garlic in butter,add crushed pepper,wine,Goya,parsley and shrimp.

Let simmer till shrimp turn pink.

serve over white rice



I made this traditional Portuguese dish last night and it turned out fabulous. Not only is it super easy prep, but super easy clean up too, which is great when you don't have a lot of time or energy but want something different for dinner. I made slight alterations to the recipe, I'm not exactly what you'd call a cook, but 4 tablespoons of crushed garlic seemed like an awful lot, and I was afraid to ruin the dish. I ended up putting in 2 tablespoons, which was fine, but after I had some I decided that 4 tablespoons would've been fine after all. I also implemented frozen pre cooked,pre peeled & deviened shrimp, and thawed them and removed the tails. This also worked out well, and once you throw in the shrimp in the sauce, it turns bright orange, so I'm not sure how you were supposed to tell if it was cooked if you had used the uncooked shrimp. The only thing I should've done before hand was cook the white rice, which it turns out I totally forgot about and ended up cooking the shrimp a little longer due to the fact I was waiting for the rice to cook, which can make shrimp a little chewy, but it was still awesome. I wasn't sure how to present the dish since I had never had shrimp mozambique before, assuming it always contained tomato products, which it turns out it didn't. So I just mixed everything in the pan together, which made for a very colorful, spicey and yummy dish. And it is on the spicey side, just to warn you. If you want to turn down the spice factor, I might try using half of the red pepper it calls for. But little man even liked it "I LOVE SPICEY!!!" . Go figure.

Adjectives That Should Never Be Used When Addressing A Pregnant Chick

I appologize to those who heard my rant earlier, but I felt the need to share to those who haven't had the pleasure. Now I had been self conscious about my "bump" or there lack of compared to other girls at my stage, that is until today. I had brought little man to the children's museum to play, and give husband a much needed break from daddy duty. As I was rounding up Michael Jr to leave a lady says to me :

"Oh you look like you're ready to have that baby now"


Me: "Yeah, but I still have two months left"


Lady: "People use to say that to me all the time I WAS GIGANTIC TOO"


Color drains from my face .... must stop myself from bursting into tears ....


Annnnnnnnnd on that note we left. GIGANTIC?!?!?!?! REALLY??!?!? I mean yes I wasn't in the most flattering of ensambles, my workout clothes and an oversized GAP sweatshirt .... but GIGANTIC?!?! After that I swear I felt every giggle and that much more swollen. FML. I know that the lady didn't mean anything by it, but seriously just because you're a chick who's been pregnant before does not give you carte blanche to go up to any pregnant chick and utter any ignorant sentence that comes to mind. AND THANK GOD I haven't had any strangers try to touch my belly because I will destroy them and possibly get arrested in the process. If you wanna see GIGANTIC this is me at the same stage pregnant with Michael Jr, my brother use to call me "the mothership" I could barely fit into booth's at restaurants:

Happy Spring!

Today I decided to try and utilize the set of cookie cutters that's been wrapped in celophane for the past year, and make spring cut out cookies. Unfortunately for me, the sugar cookie dough did not want to cooperate for some reason and I was unsuccessful in making any flower or spring themed cookies. I did however manage to keep little man some what occupied while husband was out grocery shopping. We also made the "frosting" from scratch and added neon food coloring and sprinkles. After I was done fighting with the dough, gave up, and made regular sugar cookies, I let Michael Jr go wild with decorating.

Bump Envy

So today was the grand tour of the maternity ward at Jordan Hospital in Plymouth. Husband was working his 24 hour shift on the ambulance, so my mom, little man and I went. We arrived for the 10:00 tour and I was the first there, it was 9:50 so I figured I'd be it, or it'd be a really small group. I was wrong. In the following 10 minutes, in waddled (I say that in the nicest of terms, since I find that the pregnant penguin shuffle is far more comfortable then actually "walking") approximately six other mommies, daddies, grandparents and siblings to- be. We were greeted by a super nice head nurse, who briefly explained visiting hours, securtiy measures, etc. Then she went around the room and asked when everyone was due. I was the 2nd closest, and the smallest baby bump. One girl wasn't due until september, and was twice the size of me. Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones, but I was actually really self conscious about my LACK of girth compared to the other mommies. Anyways, the group all followed the head nurse into the locked maternity ward, and were given the grand tour of the floor. I believe that there are 11 patient rooms, and they are currently working on expanding the nursery . There's also a water birth suite and the c section operating room on the same floor.
Of course little man was being a typical 3 year old boy, wanting to touch EVERYTHING, push every button, climb on the sterile beds, and managed to turn one of the tv's on during the tour ..... but the nurse was really nice and let him "lead" the tour down the hall. Michael Jr was predictably uninterested in the babies, but it was nice to have him and my mom along on the tour to see where little miss Mya will be born. I finally broke down and signed up last minute for a birthing class that starts on Monday and will run for 6 weeks from 7pm - 9pm. I had hesistated because I never signed up for them when I was pregnant with Michael, and didn't want to feel like a dork doing all the breathing excersizes in front of strangers. But I'm really trying to do all my homework so I don't have to have another horrible c section. So Michael, myself and our 2 pillows will be sauntering in to Jordan Hospital Monday night for the next 6 weeks with the other dorks to learn our breathing excersizes, how to utilize a yoga ball, and hopefully me keeping my sanity.

This one's for you Carla!

Damn kids don't appreciate good music anymore ;-p





VS