Useless Baby Items

Today I was browsing my friend T's baby registry for her upcoming baby shower, and forgot how useless some of these items these companies hawk to new parents are. I'm guilty too, I registered for things like a bottle warmer, but seriously, since when did babies need a spa? So I decided to go through the Babies R Us website and compile a top 10 lost of items that I think are completely useless, and just another way to suck the money out of poor unsuspecting parents to be. In no particular order:


1.
Diaper Genie $39.99: For the price of a couple packages of diapers you too can be the proud owner of this over priced, hard to use diaper trash can. And for an additional $6.99 you can buy the refill that holds 180 stinky diapers. Seriously people, save your self the money and aggrivation, go to Walmart and but one of those mini plastic trash can's for less than $10.00, and use the plastic grocery bags for the liner. Just don't be lazy, but the stink bombs outside immediately. I attempted to use a Diaper Genie one time, and you need a freakin degree in physics to operate one of those things. It's a mechanically operated diaper trash can people, get over it, it's not that fabulous.


2. Bottle Warmer $19.99-$59.99: Boil water in a pan or in a measuring cup and place said bottle into water. Seriously folks. Same difference.


3. Wipe Warmer $15.00-$30.00: You too can be the proud owner of dried up wipes and a pissed off baby when you attempt to use the dried up wipes. One of the most ridiculous inventions I've seen, think about it, you're not going to be transporting warmed up wipes when you go out, and our own t-p is not warmed up and we survived.


4.
Sound Sleeper $23.99: The Sound Sleeper by Dex Products provides soundscapes to soothe and relax you and your baby. Instantly turn your surroundings into a calming sea of tranquility. Choose from over 30 unique sounds including babbling brook and soothing rainfall. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. I think they should make a sound machiene of realistic sounds that can help your child sleep through the sounds of REALITY, such as: Rush hour traffic, barking dog, lawn mower, weed wacker, obnoxious neighbors cackeling way to loud ....


5. Dreft Laundry Detergent $11.99 for 67 oz or 40 loads: That's pretty much the equivalant of 3 or 4 days of laundry with a new born. Save yourself the money and buy any hypo allergenic, non scented laundry detergent/fabric softener/dryer sheets. Same difference.


6. Summer Infant Soothing Spa and Shower $39.99: For parents wanting to give their baby the very best experience during bath time there's the Summer Infant Soothing Spa & Shower. Not only can you rinse your little one with clean, warm water with the motorized shower but your baby can experience their very own whirlpool bath. From birth and up the Summer Infant Soothing Spa & Shower has everything you need to bathe baby comfortably and safely.AND NOW BACK TO REALITY. I geuss when you're a new parent you dream up in your head what bathing your newborn is going to be like. It'll be so cute and sweet, the baby will be immersed in bubbles and will be smiling away as you gently wash his or her hair and tiny baby feet .... or if the baby was anything like my son, scream bloody murder, followed by a stream of pee that archs through the air, which means you have to empty the nice clean baby tub you just filled .... oh the joys of bathing a newborn ...


7. Pacifier prices vary: I'm sure some parents swear by these, but seriously, why would you pay money for your child to develop a bad habit? My son is a thumb sucker, but atleast his bad habit is free ... until it comes time for braces. But think about it, why would you pay for both a pacifier and braces? Nothing drives me more bat shit crazy than seeing 4,5,6, and yes I've seen them older 7 year olds in the store/mall/public function running around with binkies in their mouths. These are the same people that I see strapping their perfectly mobile 5 year old into an umbrella stroller. Seriously people wtf. Maybe I'm cynical, but as soon as I was able to walk my parents didn't allow me back into a stroller.


8.Itzbeen Baby Care Timer $24.99:The Itzbeen Baby Care Timer from Coast Innovations is a great help to every new parent! It is a multi-purpose tool designed to help you remember the basic details of baby-care. Itzbeen has four timers that count up with the touch of a button. These four buttons include: changing, feeding, napping & waking, and one extra that you can customize. Also, the Itzbeen includes a back clip so it's portable, a soft-glow nightlight, nursing reminder for the mother to remember which side the baby nursed from last, and a display backlight lets you read times in the dark. Itzbeen is a must have for every new parent to make those first few months more enjoyable! I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, but atleast for me it would be one more gadget that would aggrivate me, I would probably lose it, and it would end up in a yard sale. I managed to get by with my mommy instinct. I think that a lot of these companies like to make parents feel like they couldn't possibly get by on their own parenting skills, which come naturally (atleast for most of us).


9. Steam/Electric Sterilizer $16.99 -$89.99: Boiling water? Anyone? I may be a bad mommy, but I think I just washed the bottles in soap and water, and bleached the baby tub and toys when necessary.... and little man is healthy as any crazy 3 year old boy.


10.
Bebesounds NasalClear Nasal Aspirator $19.99: I think this may be one of my all time favorite of the most ridiculous baby products I've ever seen .... "Able to play 12 tunes to help distract your child while in use, the NasalClear Nasal Aspirator from BebeSounds quickly, easily, and safely clears your baby's stuffy nose and helps her or him to breath more freely. The aspirator also provides you with suction that is stronger than that of a traditional manual aspirator, yet gentle enough to use safely and comfortably on your newborn." A BOOGER SUCKER THAT PLAYS MUSIC?!?!?!?! I may have used the bulb syringe from the hospital a grand total of 3 times, and 3 times I had one pissed off baby. Turns out, shockingly, babies don't like things shoved up their nose.Go figure. So I seriously doubt whatever mindless drivel the booger sucker plays will distract the infant away from whatever is being shoved up its tiny nasal passages.


I must confess,while it is not a baby item, I am guilty of not only owning, but using, those baby harness/back pack/leash things. I bought the eddie bauer version that looks like a monkey that goes on like a back pack, except its really a harness .... with a leash .... I know I'm a loser, but in my defense my son is a lunatic, and refuses/is too big for a stroller and will run at the drop of a dime, and he refuses to hold hands. He's a nightmare in the mall, truly. I haven't used it in a while, but it did come in quite handy once he turned 2. I'll go hang my head in shame now, feel free to peg me with spit balls.