Epidemic

Bury me softly in this womb
I give this part of me for you
Sand rains down and here I sit
Holding rare flowers
In a tomb...in bloom

Down in a hole and I dont know if I can be saved
See my heart I decorate it like a grave
You dont understand who they
Thought I was supposed to be
Look at me now a man
Who wont let himself be

Down in a hole, feelin so small
Down in a hole, losin my soul
Id like to fly,
But my wings have been so denied

Down in a hole and theyve put all
The stones in their place
Ive eaten the sun so my tongue
Has been burned of the taste
I have been guilty
Of kicking myself in the teeth
I will speak no more
Of my feelings beneath

Down in a hole, feelin so small
Down in a hole, losin my soul
Id like to fly but my
Wings have been so denied

Bury me softly in this womb
Oh I want to be inside of you
I give this part of me for you
Oh I want to be inside of you
Sand rains down and here I sit
Holding rare flowers (oh I want to be inside of you)
In a tomb...in bloom
Oh I want to be inside...

Down in a hole, feelin so small
Down in a hole, losin my soul
Down in a hole, feelin so small
Down in a hole, outta control
Id like to fly but my
Wings have been so denied

~"Down In A Hole"~ Alice In Chains

I learned of yet another classmate lost to addiction the other day. And as I red the obituary in the paper I can remember sitting next to him on the bus in elementary school. I can also remember what I was doing the day he died. As I was spending the day with my son and husband that sunday, Steve's little boy lost his own. The obituary can sugar coat it all it wants to, but heroin took Steve's life. As it did Kara's last year. Alcoholism & drunk driving took my good friend Adam's life June 26,2001, weeks after we sat next to eachother at graduation.

It just makes me incredibly sad and breaks my heart. What the hell happens to people that leads them to make those choices? I've had ample opportunities through high school and college to partake in various substances, and to be honest they scared the shit out of me, and I refused to take them. At what point does sticking a needle in your arm seem like a good fucking idea?!?! And to think that Steve's little boy is going to grow up without a daddy, and to have to live with the fact that his father died because of heroin, and to think of my little boy who is around the same age, I would never ever think of putting myself in the position where he would be without a mommy.

I'm not trying to judge these people, even though it would be easy too. When this happens to people you know, it's not as easy to write them off as a piece of crap low life. Some people are, but not all. I also was reading about one of my favorite bands, Alice In Chains, the lead singer Layne Staley died of an overdose of a speedball (heroin&cocaine) and was not found for over 2 weeks. When the police broke down the door, with his mother behind them, his 6'1" frame only had 82 pounds on it, surrounded by cocaine & crack pipes. The lead singer of one of the most popular bands at the time, had secluded himself to such an extent that it was not unusual for friends not to hear from him for weeks on end, and was often reported to hang out weekly at a local bar, not to drink, but to hang out in the corner and nod off. It's just amazingly sad how drugs can destroy a person like that, and it feels that much more desperate when it hits home. I geuss you never realize how bad things are until its too late.